Do not fear, this is not a post on stoicism, acting in accordance with nature nor a review of the four pillars (Wisdom, courage, justice, temperance – perhaps some courage). What I want to talk about is locus of control, taking agency in your mental health, your well-being, and your personal myth.
Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not
Epictetus, The Art of Living (~55-135 CE)
Getting started
Believe me, there is nothing more infuriating than being told to take control of your mental health (except perhaps being told to take up yoga and I’ll feel much better, when managing to get out of bed is a major achievement) – what do you think I am trying to do?! Often, it is less taking control than constantly wrestling with your darkest demons. So much stigma centers on a perceived lack of resilience, a lack of personal responsibility, lack of a firm grip on your life and where it is headed.
That is not how it is. These are the views I would brand as prehistoric – the prevailing just cheer up, get back to work and you’ll be fine type solution.
To help us here, I will use the frame of the “locus of control” which has responsibility as a part of it. It tries not to “blame” you for not taking control of the situation. Rather, it provides perspective and how you relate to what you can control and what you cannot.
Locus of control
Please note these are descriptions and opinions from publicly available resources, this should not be seen as therapeutic recommendations. As ever do seek professional help where and when needed.
Locus of control is a psychological concept that looks to determine whether you feel you have control of the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and events in your life.
There are two main types of locus of control:
- Internal locus of control: This refers to the belief that one’s actions and decisions directly impact the outcome of events in their life. People with an internal locus of control tend to believe that they have the power to better shape the environment to themselves, adapt to the situation, and have their will impact the world, rather than the other way around.
- External locus of control: This refers to the belief that outside forces, such as luck, fate, or other people, have a greater impact on the outcome of events in one’s life. People with an external locus of control tend to believe that they have little control over their own lives and that events are determined by factors outside of their control, such as the actions of others, unexpected events, bad luck or otherwise specific people “out to get you”.
It is important to note that locus of control is not fixed and can change over time. Also, it is not a binary concept and people can have a mix of internal and external locus of control depending on the topic. An internal locus of control is often associated with “growth mindset” and better mental health and well-being. An external locus of control can be associated with – but does not need to be – poorer stability, lower mood, self-worth and weaker mental health.
That is not to say “external” is necessarily bad in all situations. More that not being aware at all on where you stand vis-a-vis internal or external locus is the root of some problems.
Succinct benefits
Simple enough. You may be thinking that you embrace growth mindset, live it every day. You have none of the “bad” elements of an external locus of control in the majority of things you think about and confront on a daily basis. This isn’t hard, this is just being the grown-up, resilient individual I want to be and society expects.
Immediate workplace benefits include: Higher achievement of goals due to taking responsibility and driving to completion what you can influence and control. Greater job satisfaction as you feel more empowered and autonomous knowing what you can control and better flourish by doing. Better relationships where you take on accountability for your actions and for keeping relationships balanced, healthy and trusting.
Unfortunately, it is not that simple, not at all. If the above doesn’t resonate with you (and if you’re here, it probably doesn’t) you’re probably a bit angry by now.
Taking responsibility
I always reflect on how easy is it to “bring your whole self to work”, how you own the narrative of your mental health and well-being with your work, not the other way around. After all, if I have control I have responsibility. With responsibility is the expectation that any issues are resolved or nearly resolved when you have control of them, whatever therapeutic pathway you may be using.
The feeling of being in control can feel so fleeting, that when you do experience it you do not feel like it is real or you have earnt it. We may say we are in control, but then how is it fair I have to take responsibility for all these others harms that come my way? Harms that I cannot influence and do not want, be them real or imagined.
There in lies the paradox, with at once the internalised need to take responsibility and recover, at the same time with so much seeming out of our control.
This is hard to face up to, when we suffer we lose the ability and energy to fight back, it can be an overwhelming wave you sink beneath, not just get swept away with. If I truly have control I run out of others to blame for the current situation. The more you believe you allocate most of the origination of your suffering from the outside world, which you cannot change, the longer you will take to recover/ improve sustainably.
In the end, it has to be a balance of doing everything we can to take control but admitting that it will not always be the case. To do nothing is the easier path but the much darker. Push yourself to examine your core beliefs, how many of those can you take responsibility for making better? The more you believe you have no control, must blame others, must blame brain chemicals, the longer you will take to find a way forward. You will not get out of your spiral without taking at least some responsibility for how you feel and how others make you feel.
Open-ness of control
I do not believe in the simplicity of embracing your fate and everything will flow from there. Nor is it just recognising your (clearly conflicting) unalterable fate but yet still go out to actively change yourself and your environment. No, I think it takes more than “amor fati” to help here. The act of mindfully recognising the environment and situation you are in and how you are right now, in this moment, relating to it, is crucial. Longer-term, yes there is a need to stress what you can and can’t control and therefore what you should and should not get worried/ upset/ sad/ etc about (a core piece of CBT I have experienced). In my opinion, noticing your relationship to others, objects, themes and events will be the biggest boon to supporting your mental health.
With work? Do the same analysis. Is your boss the main contributor to your mood? Is your task list too long? Do you feel you have great ideas that aren’t being listened to? There are myriad external locus of control characteristics to watch out for. The approach to me is to communicate as much as you feel you can in the work place and think through the rest. By understanding your relationship to your circumstances you’ll be better equipped to fight and resolve where you need a more meaningful internal locus of control in a relationship.